Lookin' down the barrel...

Of the Hwy 50 ride. Just about two point 5 weeks out. Sometimes I'm excited and sometimes I'm depressed. Its my moods. Changing from moment to moment. I feel like a failure sometimes wondering why I can't raise money for the cause. I know things are tough. I don't blame people. I remember Craig, I have been thinking a lot about him in these months before. I can't help it, he's  the reason for the ride anyway.  I think of all the premature thank you's from all his family and the letter I got from his son. I just don't wanna let anybody down.

 The first time I rode across America in 2005-2006 It seemed like I was more excited. I was escaping, I was on the run. From the twist and turns my life had taken lately. I never did figure out all this mess? I just knew that for the very first time in my life I was free. I used to rebel against what my life had become. I still do. I remember a crazy night of drinking once at Craig and Amy's bar. Do you remember the "rebel without a cause" thing that was me. Sitting there Craig said to me "Joe what are you rebelling against?" I just said my whole life man. It was some bullshit like that. I guess I just didn't see every thing as blessings. I had a house nice wife, two boy's. By the way I love the hell out of them! They are both just really good people and that's what the world could use more of ,just good people! A good job, cool motorcycle and I didn't have too many clothes that made me look funny. What it boils down to is just that I've always been restless. My first grade teacher even attempted to tie me in my chair once.

 I guess its just time to accept that I just get board with the norm, pretty quickly. I've never held a job over 5 or six years straight. Man that just kills my mother! She from the day's when people used to work forever and get a gold watch and retire. Sorry I just can't do it. I may end up homeless some day? Who knows?

 I guess that I am learning to let go. Let go of the dreams most people had for me. Be free and live my reckless life. 

 Some picture's of that year, when I rode across America and stayed with Amy and Craig on that little Ponce de Leon, Missouri farm by the James river.